And we seem to meet in the middle. Neither one would hovers or intrudes on the other, although the capacity for a healthy emotional connection and interest in each other is still present. And you, a 3, will not stand by this. In fact it has the tendency to scare 5's or at least make 5s uncomfortable or uneasy around them on a long enough timeline, even if there is an initial attraction/allure between In the end, enneagram is really an individual thing rather than a relationship thing. The problem with these 6s is that they become like 3s and think they know better than everyone. It’s like being tested and forged by fire. Enneagram 3, 7 and 1 could easily go either way. Thank you! Reorienting toward my moral compass has been a big part of my mental world for the past year. I first tested as a four and I went and rolled with it. So I’ve seen plenty of posts discussing the interaction between parenthood and childhood through the lens of the Enneagram, but have yet to see sibling dynamics discussed in depth. Looking for some insight to understand what it is like for 3s being in a relationship with a 9. Within these relationships, the 5 is in supervision like relationship to anything 1. You’re most likely an image type (2, 3, 4) due to the domain of this issue (how you appear to others). 9s are good with that. We also suffer from depression, but both take antidepressants and are feeling better. 5s will choose a world of scarcity as I wonder if he has like a 7 fix or something it seems like every problem you brought up was like “haha” either way my gf is a 9w8 and I am a 1w9 we’ve been together for about 3 years now and admittedly we both have our enneagram problems, thankfully she was the one who was the big helper for most of the beginning of our relationship as I 9s are really good for enneagram 4s. Apr 21, 2023 · Type Threes commonly pair well with Nines. Yeah -- the more psychologically developed you two are, the better off you will be. However, if they are lazy or unambitious I could see it being a problem. Idk, I'm 4w5 and my boyfriend is 2w3. Enneagram Fours can teach Threes how to talk about themselves on a deeper level and help acknowledge and process their feelings. In an interview, the 7 has a lot mental things going on. Three. Tell your partner when you’re not happy. It's going great so far I think! However, with every relationship comes issues I know and I was just hoping that y'all could share your insights on what you think the relationship troubles between a 3 and 6 would be so that I can keep an eye out for these troubles in case they begin to present 3. Nov 29, 2023 · Enneagram 3 and 9 relationships can be exceptionally balanced and harmonious because of their complementary qualities. Threes love to take the limelight, and Nines prefer to be behind the scenes, so they generally get along well in terms of everyday functioning. but 4&9 is really cool i think because they both have their own kind of depth, the 4s being more about personal feelings and the individual soul and the 9s more Superfish24. No one likes an unbalanced relationship, even if women might "get away with it" early in relationships, relative to men. For both, isolation and suspicion becomes the norm and can become difficult to break through. Eights ultimately want support for themselves and their vision. Or even bad ones that will be stubbornly held on to despite overwhelming evidence against it. Our relationship started because his charm and straight-forwardness didn't work on me, so there's that. 6. 9’s seem easygoing, chill. tl;dr: 5s are usually unkempt oddball recluses who want to be left alone to pursue their obsessions; 3s are driven goal-oriented ppl who strive for recognition, excellency and value. 5w4 dating a 9w1. Constant drama; always feeding off of each other's moods and emotions. Sometimes Lack of motivation in 2w3 and 9w8 relationship. Nines must learn Further details are in the book called “The Complete Enneagram” by Beatrice Chestnut. We typically cool off pretty quickly. Anyone that can help you develop being authentic. When I’m not doing well in my job, I’m not doing well with anything. Eights may see the Three as deceitful and untrustworthy; Threes may see the Eight as willful and vengeful, and they can fear being humiliated and co-opted for life. The 9 can interpret the 6's initial hesitation and contingency planning as rejection/mixed messages, while the 6 can interpret 9's need to dissipate conflict and merge as untrustworthy. They often relate well as 3 and 6 are arrows to each other, and admire the positive traits of the other (6s like the 3s confidence, 3s like 6s honesty/team view, etc), and they can complement each other well (if healthy). Moreover, Nines’ patience and stability make Three’s feel at ease with them Misidentifying Threes and Nines. Rather, the 6 sees conflict as a direct threat to the security and stability that is at the core of the relationship. 8. "Fives, on the other hand, can become frustrated by the on again, off again attentions of the Nine and begin to become cynical and pessimistic about the relationship, analyzing the Nine and intellectually dissecting the relationship both as a defense from being hurt and as a way to express This is the healthiest, deepest connection I've ever had in a relationship. ago. Threes are usually driven, energetic, and charismatic, while Nines tend to be more subdued, consistent, and patient. Each type has qualities that the other lacks and can learn from. But some natural differences can be challenging. For this to work the 9 needs to be willing to confront, set boundaries, and actively engage instead of stonewalling/ignoring their partner. Threes can help Nines improve their self-respect, know their value An Enneagram Five/Nine pair gives each other a great deal of personal and emotional space for activities and for doing things on their own. They can make people laugh and simply have a good time. I’m 24 years old I don’t really date because that’s not my jam. However, if both are working on themselves that can be overcome. Of course as with any types, if both are healthy it can be a great relationship. I often read about how to be happier emotionally, or improve oneself, and come away feeling disheartened that I just can't go forward until I solve this relationship issue. Their energies are very different. Nine. Like the chemical eruption of lava, 9's will explode and IT WILL SCARE YOU (probably, maybe not). Seek relating, connecting (especially mentally and emotionally), alliances, status, ideology, tribes, appropriateness, similarity, friendship. And fear feeds itself. But I’ve found an amazing relationship with an amazing boy who is a 9w1. It was odd and subtle and fast, but the 3 caught it, too. They can handle us, and don’t do anything to upset the tide of things. Mistakes made in 5 and 9 relationships. Since you have a 5w4 type and like to gather information, I suggest a good book that came out this year It's solid relationship and intimacy material with a lot of information on what you seem interested in, e. i love dating my 4 and i think being in a relationship with a 4 can foster growth (both together and individually) in a way no other relationship could. As a 9 and a female esp I often feel I need to keep Romantic relationships can devolve into “roommates” or “parent and child”. Etc etc. Married to an 8, as a 9. Once, we were standing on the sidewalk with a group of friends. “People of Enneatype Three need the admiration of others in order to feel worthy; indeed at a very deep and largely subconscious level, Threes feel as though they need to see themselves reflected in the eyes of others in order even to existMany Threes subtly and even unconsciously alter their self-presentation to appeal to the particular person or audience with Sixes and Nines also have distinct characteristics that reveal the differences between their styles. Hugs to you. it’s a constant struggle i thing whenever it comes to being in each other’s states of stress all the time, like my youngest brother who’s a 9 can easily frustrate me and my other brother, but for me it’s because i get that way when i’m stressed. 2s tend to see themselves as more of a gift to others relative to how you seem to see yourself, which leaves 3 or 4. An unhealthy 8 could really take advantage of a 2, while an unhealthy 2 could also present problems in the The Enneagram is a model of the human psyche that is principally understood and taught as a typology of nine interconnected personality types. EIE (illusory) may be a good alternative. 3 goes to 9 in stress while 9 goes to 6 in stress. 7. The relationship you described between yourself as a 9 with 1s actually sounds more like my relationship with other 1s I meet. Average 7s tend to move quickly off of tasks or projects while 3s will oversacrifice and focus to reach goals. Threes tend to bring goal-oriented planning and motivation to a work environment. Some studies actually promote a 4-9 pairing. Common goals bring them together—they are both practical and want to achieve tangible things in the world. 7s seek personal experiences and variety and 3s focus on long term goals for success images. We've been together now for 3ish years and have a really solid, "best-friends" sort of relationship. They both have a sorta practical/cynical view of the world and like to think through and produce results. Threes can help Nines set and accomplish personal goals, while Nines can help Threes feel supported Still sounds like 3 to me. They withdraw into a shell of sorts and distract themselves more like an introvert would. Develop and express own separate and independent self. It’s been a week now since I broke up with my ex, who I believe is a 9, if not a 9w1. In my experience, being raised by a Type 9w1 (my mother), Type 9s of either gender need to be aware of their tendencies to submerge their own needs and desires as a way of avoiding conflict. Oct 29, 2021 · The Enneagram Type 9, “The Peacemaker,” is a patient and understanding partner who seeks to truly understand their significant other and create a loving and harmonious relationship. They want to avoid conflict & over excitement. I said something like, "Oh, hello!" and pulled away, but the dog's owner shot me this look of total hatred. Some context: my wife is an 8w9, so takes on traits of 9. for ex 4&2 might be too similar both being heart types, both falling into a victim role when upset, etc. I haven't been in a romantic relationship with a 6 as a 9, but my father is a 6w7 and two of my best friends are 6w5. They listen and they will put up with the push-pull thing that us 4s tend to do. Adventurous_Head_384. Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship. They crave it. Recently issues related to him trusting me and being concerned that I am not transparent are coming up in our relationship. As a sexual 9 in a relationship with an 8 you absolutely do NOT want to hide shit from them. In my opinion as a social 3, 3s are attracted to the idea of looking good, therefore, they’d like to see their partner as a nice person with beauty (physical and/or moral). But the behaviors and ways of thinking/communicating definitely seem aligned. 4s need someone who won’t judge them and will not engage with them when they are being emotionally volatile. I'm a female 4 (32) in the beginnings of a relationship with a male 3 (42). (I was super depressed and in an unhealthy relationship) then about a year later after the break up I had come to this super cool realization at the time that I was a 5. Driven, ambitious, persuasive, Threes are interested in excellence, crushing their goals, and reaching their ideal level of success. I think it could work. 6s: I don’t know many other 6s besides my boyfriend but obviously this is my favorite type. This community is temporarily set to private while the moderators work to ensure that content will be of the highest quality, and a safe experience for all community members. I wondered if any of you have been (or are in) a long-term 4-9 relationship, whether same-sex or opposite sex, and have any advice you'd like to share on cohabitating or simply dating as this pair. generally are active. Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile. He was my flatmate for a year but several months ago we got much closer and began to date. I think when a 6 is healthy, things are great. So. We understand the intellectual idea of investment, but we are afraid of mis-investment and the loss associated with it. Nines offer open-mindedness and encouragement. Our relationship has a lot of bright spots, but I'm mostly wondering for any advice you have on: They lose their minds and all hell breaks loose. i wish you and your 4 the best of luck and all the happiness!! <3. For me as a 3w4, I do like my job. Threes can also resemble Nines Enneagram has relationships that are analogous to those of socionics, reason why enneagram authors say some pairs of types are next to never found together and others are very common. I can definitely relate to this as a 9. Especially the last part maybe the problem wasn't she being a 3 and me being a 4. I am likely a 6, definitely an introverted type (likely INFP or ISFJ. • 5 yr. I make decisions on feelings all of the time. ) Nowadays, I’m thinking that I’m likely The upside for the Four is that the Six is practical, loyal, attentive, and playful, and will not only see the Four but the Four as (s)he actually is. Enneagram and sibling dynamics. As others are saying, it just depends on the health. 9’s can sometimes seem monotone in interviews. . 7w8 might be too aggressive and pragmatic for all 5s, both 5w4 and 5w6. And they don't fit into your description. They can teach Threes to relax and enjoy small things. When under stress, ones feel like everyone else (without this discipline) are weak or are the real cause of the problem. A stranger was walking by with his dog and as they passed us the (very friendly) dog jumped on me. Can have trouble leaving bad relationships because of a sense of duty and commitment. Sorry. Reply. •. Sixes provide warmth, support, and a great deal of practical good sense. Type Threes are known as the Achievers of the Enneagram. Social Instinct. 8w9’s would look a lot different than an 8w7 (the highest energy type in the enneagram), so keep that in mind. You are likely on the colder, more combative side of the spectrum. I’m really high strung but he relaxes me so much. Like an amazingly good one. I feel like I can rely on them and they have my back. This is an opportunity to trust yourself: trust that you can understand yourself and others, and use that understanding to know, grow, and heal. Starts out really strong and then I feel criticized and start to resent them, so I totally get what you mean. Just a competition of some random topic. With them around I've learned to look ahead and plan for anything that may go wrong so things will go as planned. However if types are healthy and aware of these things then they may play off each other in a positive way. The 9 gives unconditional acceptance and provides a judgment-free zone for the four. i’m a three, and my brothers are each a 6 and a 9. 1. Compared to you and other Type 3s, Type 9s can sometimes feel overly focused on feelings and intentions, rather than the facts of the matter at hand. You HAVE to learn to respect each other's type, and you HAVE to learn to become self-aware about when you're spiraling into the unhealthiness of your own type. type 9s are intolerant of anxiety & stay busy to avoid it, using errands and hobbies to occupy their minds in undemanding ways. The upside for the Six is that the Four is freethinking, sensual, open-minded, and emotionally aware, and will help the Six learn who (s)he actually is. It is by no means an easy pairing but then again no relationship is without its ups and downs. The Enneagram is a model of the human psyche that is principally understood and taught as a typology of nine interconnected personality types. Yea the enneagram has so many facets it can get confusing. g. typical type 7s are hyperactive & busy. That being said, I loved dating 3's! When a 3 is ready for intimacy and is capable of real emotional vulnerability, a 3/4 combo is real fun. As a 3 I can recognize my selfishness and lack of seeing things from the others perspective. Finding the Three’s heart’s desire is an extremely important area of self-awareness in Reply reply. I’ll try to keep it brief and helpful (4’s can ramble). In regards to enneagram. Looking back on my past relationships, the people I was most attracted to and had the most chemistry with were probably SX 1, SX 2, or SX 5. I’m so quick to anger yet suppress every other emotion. The vast majority of self-help content may as well be "how to master the healthy parts of being a 3". However I’ve found that 9’s are generally good matches. Although it is not always obvious in the case of Threes, both can also have trouble recognizing who they are or what they really want. It’s been my experience that this typically isn’t the case for 9’s. Check it out on Amazon: it's by Suzanne Dion and David On one side, Nines can bring support and encouragement to the relationship. I hate that I know nothing about what I want. Basic Fear: Of being worthless. The biggest sources of friction between 3s and 4s is that 3s view 4s as lazy and 4s view 3s as fake. Enneagram is a really useful tool for self analysis and seeing what areas in life you need to improve on. 16. Nine years into a relationship with an 8. Any advice on improving communication would be helpful. Being a 9 can be hard on the emotions sometimes. Apologies for the long reply. Fun questions! I'm figuring this out too as I'm currently leaving a relationship. The Six gets the Four in touch with The 8 has to understand that the 6 does not see conflict as some sort of game or connection tool. If you aren’t healthy, it doesn’t matter what type you are or your partner is, it won’t be good. They want to amuse themselves & avoid boredom or anxiety. It's going to take intentional work on both of your parts. For instance, having a great time where he expresses intent and joy in the relationship, and then dropping off the face of the earth for the next 48 hours. 3's always make me feel capable and stronga huge gift to a 4. Some other combos maybe aren't screwed, but still less common, so it might be easier to find a non-dual with a more compatible enneagram type. 1K subscribers in the EnneagramType9 community. According to enneagram studies, 4’s and 9’s are one of the most common pairings but it’s only common if it’s a female 4 and male 9, apparently the other way around is very rare. Due to Enneagram 4s reliance on introjection as a primary defense mechanism, I think 4 is the most likely candidate to co-occur with the Fearful-Avoidant adult attachment style, followed by the Counter-phobic 6. And as a 3, it’s quite enticing to have a partner as motivated as you, and the possibility to look good together in more than just a physical aspect is always nice. On the other, Threes feel that Nine’s company helps them be their true selves, expand their potential, and become the best version of themselves. Other 7s pump me up. o. Reply reply. [deleted] • 3 yr. Steadiness, patience, genuine care, acceptance of life, empathy, and the tendency to counter active energy with a slower pace and relaxed attitude. ) The types I’ve considered have been 9, 2, and 3 (but I considered 3 at the very beginning of my enneagram journey. They also need to get more in touch with their emotional sides, and 4s are great at that. In summary: Reward Drive / Action Orientation - 3s go straight after what they want, address problems as they come up etc. It took me a solid year to truly understand how he processes anger and emotion. Sometimes 8’s want a “fight” not necessarily a fist fight or a yelling angry fight. 6s challenge 3s to reevaluate their stance and humanity. 7s method for avoiding pain is more extroverted, seeking external stimulation through more lively pursuits like partying, gambling, sports etc. Case in point, this convo is already an example of how well 5s understand 1s. Always trying to find peace but never truly finding it. I have been through quite a bit of trauma in the past 5 years and I discovered the enneagram in 2020. For example, EIE 7 might have an easier time finding SLE (activity) 3 than LSI 3. at the time of the relationship) I can recall a lot of instances where our enneagrams crashed. I've been in a relationship with a 6 and what I can say is that it is potentially a good match as long as both people are mature and willing to communicate clearly. - 9's bury their anger in a hole and hide it incredibly well until- it gets let out. a lot in common but different enough to bring a synergy to the relationship. However, their image-oriented personality can hinder vulnerability and authenticity. If the truth is upsetting or could hurt, then it’s fairly likely that a lie is forthcoming. 2. They will thank you for it. He makes me feel loved unconditionally which is something I feel like I lack from the rest of the world. • 2 yr. However I do know a LOT of 9s- more of my friends are 9s than every other type combined, and from the outside I’ve noticed that they really seem to be compatible with 4s and 5s specifically. yes, this is very helpful. These two are in the same line. Express yourself! Be up front with your partner. The four helps the 9 confront the emotional baggage that they've avoided for so long. Just because a 9 apologizes RIGHT after an argument, doesn't mean that he or she isn't sincere. We've been together now for 3ish years and have a really solid, "best-friends" sort of… 5s vice is being stingy / retentiveness. There is a third option here that you may not be seeing: asserting your discomfort/problem with the toxic person (s) while trying to maintain a relationship with them. Maybe tell a story about their exiting life. 7s: usually talking about shared interests. The 4 needs to learn to be patient and accepting of the 9. However, the peace-loving Nine may sometimes forget that conflict is an important part of a relationship. A 7w6 would appreciate the helpfulness offered by a 1w2. If every type's integration paths are a road, then 9's road to 3 is a VIP red carpet Reasons: a metric shit ton of resources and tools effectively SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED to aid your growth to 3 (right productivity). Both parties have to be willing to admit their faults and be willing to learn from others. And a healthy 4 will never reject you, or believe in A 3/6 relationship can absolutely work, especially when each person is aware of their virtues and flaws, open to others, and present to themself. They can also bring Threes more sensitivity, a feeling for beauty and for the non-practical but fulfilling aspects of life. I recently started dating a 9 and help. Yun2ka. But I have noticed one problem - we like to dream a 3 vs 5. renaissance183. Hi y'all! I have posted on here several times about my relationship with my type 3w4 boyfriend. A good one too. The biggest difference in my partner and I is that we are both the most extreme version of 'thinkers' and 'feelers'. I’m sure Sx6’s and 2’s also would fit this style but I’ve only been exposed to mostly 8s, 1s and 5s and some 4s. A healthy 3-3 pairing needs to curb the competitiveness of trumping one another and, in turn, figure out win-win compromises. r/Enneagram. 2’s and 8’s are common together, I think partly because the 2 can be so supportive of the 8 and the 8 so protective of the 2, which the 2 can need to remember to prioritize themself. The 8, on the other hand, sees debates/challenging ideas as a way to explore the other person. Hi! So I'm (27f) a 9 and my partner is a 5. Thought we were and are quite young (around 17-18 y. Enneagram 8 married to a 9. I speculate that a type 3 may be better off not in a relationship with other assertive types, 7, and 8, because they play off each other's energy and may encourage unhealthy behaviors in that way. They know what is right and wrong, and they apply discipline to stick to that as well as they can, and better than most. You've got this. 7’s cause chaos for excitement daily. Key Motivations: Want to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others. However, you mention relating to 6 and 9. I'm a 4w5, but can definitely find my 3 wing on occasion. Notice and moderate emotions, pace, amount of advice. This pair is characterized by a sense of quiet, non I'm a 3 and was in an almost 2 years relationship with a 1. Our relationship is very harmonious and loving, we like to help each other etc. The world is both one of plenty and one of scarcity. Nothing will aggravate them more or leave you more frustrated and miserable. (The most severe attachment traumas give rise to dissociative disorders. On the other hand, the relationship can easily go to ruin if we compete too much, or if either becomes too jealous of the other 4 : I usually view this type as a bit too theatrical for my tastes, almost like the 2 in which I view their tendency for melodramatic behavior as inauthentic and attention-seeking, even manipulative in a way. They remind us of community and that we don't have to be in the limelight all the time and they remind us to be more team player and they aren't a pushover who refuse to voice their opinion too I try to educate her, to enlighten her (never mentioning the enneagram, but telling her stuff one'd say to a 6) but she thinks she knows better. This is me (9) and my wife (6). Award. As a Type 3, one notable difference between you and most Type 9s is in your interpersonal warmth. Nines tend to merge with others and trust others easily, while Sixes tend to stand apart and be suspicious, especially at first, until they gather enough information to ascertain whether or not someone is trustworthy. Eggfish 5w6 so/sp RCUEI INTP • 6 days ago. Sixes can also bring a compassion for the . I feel like I’m going crazy. I am. Of course, only he would really know. 7w6 is better suited with 1w2 than 1w9. They may avoid conflict altogether and instead resort to passive-aggressive behavior. Now that I’ve learned more about different types, I’m actually reasonably confident that I’m not a 3 or a 2. I bring intensity to the relationship; she brings a calming, soothing presence. So I took it upon myself to make a post about it, as I’m curious to see what you all think about it. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. a chapter on Insights and Suggestions to Consciously Impact Intimacy, etc. Discussion. as for my other brother he gets irritated bc he’s just not as concerned as he should The type of anger 1s feel is self-righteous. I (F) 9w8 have been dating my bf 3 for 2 years. late to the party, but I'm a female 9 who was dating a male 4 for a while! knowing 4s crave depth and deep emotions I really appreciated that he was always asking questions of me and looking to hear how I felt, how I was doing, etc. Sixes bring grounding, industrious hard work, perseverance in difficult times and personal loyalty to the Three. Threes and Nines can be mistaken for each other in that both are highly adaptable and both can be interested in gaining acceptance from others. What I hate most about being a nine is that I am constantly at inner conflict. 9s have a more introverted way of avoiding pain. I like him a lot, but there are definitely struggles that I can see might make this relationship difficult. 3) recognize and support his creative pursuits and expressions, whatever they may be. I try so hard to find out what I want out of life but I’ve spent my whole life just going with whatever everyone else wants. At least I as a 4 can dissociate and zone out. Thus we do not take appropriate risks instead trying to withdraw to safe and secure things. This relationship requires health and growth from both parties in order for it to last. A 3 and 2 pairing could do good too, since the 2 could help the 3 and the 3 can help the 2 fight for what they want. Me 9w8 (F23) and my boyfriend 2w3 (M28) are in a relationship for half a year. Maybe it was the first power of our relationship. The actual best match for 3s in my opinion are 6s. I couldnt keep up with her standard and tho they did pushed me to do more, i wasnt really comfortable with. Hi. For him, he will need to work on naming and articulating feelings. So 8’s go to 5 when they’re in stress (see this insta page for more detail), which put simply means they ESI 1 - common but their LIE dual doesn't come in 9 often. Welcome to the subreddit for Enneagram Type Nine (the Peacemaker ☮️)! This is a place to share… Hi! So I'm (27f) an enneagram 9 and my partner is a 5. My ex-wife was a 4w5, and our relationship was so chaotic and unhealthy. pm bl yz un eb op kj qm ow gy